Zoom Zoom Zoom!

I imagine most of the three people who read my blogs have been forced to participate in some sort of online training, meeting, class, etc., whether via Zoom or Teams or any one of the more antiquated platforms (for those of us who are true dinosaurs).

I'll admit that I like the part of online meetings where I get to wear pajamas, drink my coffee, watch the dog sleep, and have The Exorcist playing quietly on the TV all at the same time. I do generally prefer in person learning, though, but I will say that online meetings are a great way of people watching without putting on your Snuggie and heading over to Wal-Mart. There are so many different types of interesting participants it can be difficult to stay focused on the learning at hand. Now, nobody come at me about my gray hair and winter jammies, but let's take a look at a few of them, shall we?

1. The Multi-Tasker: This chick just can't sit still. She's constantly walking from one side of the building to the other, wobbly laptop in hand, giving everyone else motion sickness. At least she's in the office, though, so good on her.

   

2. The Flasher: This person, like many others, just can't seem to figure out where they want their camera to focus, so you end up staring at her chest, which would be okay if it was Cinnamon from The Peep Show Palace. Instead it's more like watching a late night version of Golden Girls.

   

3. The Gossip: This bitch has the audacity to have a completely separate conversation going on with someone none of us can see without letting us in on all the tea, because you KNOW from her facial expressions that whatever it is is way more interesting that what we signed up for.

   

4. The Lounger: This guy just can't be bothered, and looks like what might pop up on Chat Roulette at 3am on a Saturday. You have to wonder if he's actually got porn on a second computer.

   

5. The Idiot: This person thinks they're on camera, but really you're staring at her forehead for five hours (and in my case, gray hair). She is likely also the one who keeps right on talking while everyone tries to tell her she's on mute. Over and over and over again.

   

6. The "There's Always One": This person is the absolute WORST, and is generally the one who keeps the meeting going fifteen minutes after it should have been over. Male or female, this know it all (KIA) is constantly inserting what they think are witty comments, answering questions as fast as they can to beat everyone else to the punch, while at the same time asking questions that I guarantee they already know the answers to, simply because they like the sound of their own voice. We all want to put a hit on this person.

   

Finally, there's me. The "Fix Your Face". I may be on mute, I may be furiously taking notes (because I'm old school like that), I may be actively engaged in the chat with the class, but trust me, I am THANKING GOD for a background in musical theatre. My face don't lie, and the more Miss KIA says "I have a question", the further my eyes roll in the back of my head. Recently I caught myself doing this no less than six times. Whether anyone else caught it, I have no idea. I can only hope that Miss KIA didn't see me, but honestly, I think Meryl Streep would be proud.

Am I the only one who picks up on all these things? Maybe next time you find yourself in Zoom Hell, the time will go by faster if you do a little people watching.