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  • favoritefeathermer

To Debate or Not to Debate

Updated: Jul 11

Since I started this blog several years ago, I have made a concerted effort to avoid the two P's - being preachy or political. We get enough of that shoved down our throats through the news and social media. To be brutally honest, I think social media is destroying our society. So what’s a girl to do?? I know - write a lengthy post with my personal opinions and put it out there for all to enjoy.....whether they want to or not.

I don't consider myself to be very political, and I'm about as far from being an activist as a person can get. But I might as well go ahead and put it out there, so here goes. I don't support abortion, but I do support choice. I believe love is love, and who you love is none of my business as long as you're happy. I believe anyone should be allowed to make a new life in this country, but they should be prepared to be a productive member of society and follow the rules. I don't care about the color of your skin, where you come from, what you do for a living, or what deity you worship. I only care if you're a good person.

As we gear up for another juvenile, sophomoric, train wreck of an election, I think we all need to come together and admit that, no matter which end of the freak meter we end up on, we are all basically, well.......fucked (and not in the good way). I mean, let's face it, our choices are a felonious, narcissistic, sociopathic, walking, talking argument for birth control, and an old fart who, while he at least has a soul and a fully functioning moral compass, can barely string two words together and has to be propped up in front of the microphone and led around by the hand so that someone...ANYONE....can make sure he lifts his feet up completely off the ground. ("Bless his heart" I think is the appropriate phrase here).

Tonight, millions of Americans will tune in to watch the first Presidential Debate, whether it is because of a true interest in the future of our country, or simply to be entertained by what is sure to be the political equivalent of a back-alley abortion. Yours truly will NOT be one of them. For the last week, I've been trying to figure out ways to keep myself otherwise occupied so that I will not be tempted to turn on CNN and sear my retinas with images of he-who-shall-not-be-named standing over poor ole Joe trying to bully and intimidate him until he soils his adult brief. Thankfully, I think I've come up with a few distractions. So, if you're anything like me, here are a few ideas to keep yourself occupied until it's socially acceptable to pop a few benzos and hit the sack:

  1. Take apart your washing machine and find all of those socks that have disappeared since the last debate. Just make sure you hire a professional to put it all back together before you have to do laundry on Sunday.

  2. Polish all the silver. This option is a bit dated, since none of us can afford to buy silver these days, but it's definitely a good time to drag MeeMaw's mismatched utensils out of the back of the linen closet and give them a wipe down.

  3. Try to give the cat a bath. This will be especially fun if your cat is ten years old and has never had a bath. Be sure to record it.

  4. Spend the evening people-watching in your local Emergency Room. Let's face it, if you give #3 a whirl, you're going to end up there anyway.

  5. Watch all the original episodes of Sesame Street on YouTube. Not only will you be transported to a time in your life when things were much less complicated and you didn't have to consider what country you can escape to the fastest, but you just might learn something.

  6. Start on your Christmas list. After all, this may be the last holiday where we aren't celebrating while huddled in a bomb shelter eating chicken-in-a-can.

  7. Drink heavily and send inappropriate texts to your boss. "Oh, ok. So that's...that's where it is. That's the line I need to stay on this side of. Got it." Be careful, though. Best case scenario is you lose your job. Worse case scenario is you end up being the 4th wife of a man you can't actually stand while his kids, who are fifteen years older than you, tower over you while they tell you they will NEVER call you Mom.

  8. Take a long, hot bath. I mean, a looooong one. Long enough that if the debate starts cutting into the late show, you'll still miss it. Note: Make sure there are no electrical appliances within reach. You know, just in case your upstairs neighbor IS watching the debate and you have to listen to it second hand.

  9. Make some homemade treats for your dog. This one's legit - a cup of plain greek yogurt, a cup of organic pumpkin, a dollop of peanut butter, and a drizzle of raw, unfiltered honey. Spoon it into your favorite doggie mold and pop in the freezer. They'll love it, and you'll feel at least marginally better about all those boxes of processed dog biscuits you've bought.

  10. Go for a late night run. This only works if you live in the South. Currently, it is 8:47 pm and it is still almost 80 degrees with 91% humidity. Still, it's better than watching one man's spray tan trickle down his face under the tv lights and the other asking the moderator if he can take a potty break.

So, there you have it. I've set you up with a basic plan for surviving debate night with minimal pain and discomfort. It's six minutes to 9:00. Time to settle in to the tub with my fourth cocktail and start texting! Enjoy the dog treats.

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