All Of The Things

I'll go ahead and admit it. I'm a scoffer. Or rather.....I was. Like many of us, I come home from work and lay like a slug on the couch, scrolling through TikTok til I happen to look up at the clock and suddenly it's eleven pm. Once again, I have accomplished absolutely nothing. There's some crazy sh*t on TikTok, but the videos that had me staring at the screen, slack-jawed and indignant, were the ones showing women and their endless morning and evening skin routines.

Here's how it goes. An overly perky little blonde starts her TikTok with "Hey guys. Let's get ready for a big day of errands and lunch with my boyfriend!" What follows is twenty-plus minutes of face washing, face cream, serum after serum after serum, contouring, lash curling, lip plumping, primer, at least three different foundations, more contouring, setting powder, setting spray, wrapped up with a quick fluff of the hair, and somehow Georgia (G-dubs to her besties) is looking ravishing for her jam packed day of flitting between Kohl's, TJMaxx, Victoria's Secret, and Ulta. Then it's off to a waterfront restaurant with Jacob and the 'rents. UUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH. Shoot me now.

Who has the time for this?! Because I'll tell ya, it's not just Amber, the high school junior who gets up at 3am just to prep her look for school. It's also Amber's mom, in her late 30s and desperately trying to hang on to her youth, and Amber's MeMaw, the 65 year old fashion plate who shows you exactly how you should be doing your makeup if you're over fifty. As Amber would say....."I can't even".

Then I came upon what has been dubbed as the Black Girl Shower Tok. Honestly, until I found these videos I don't know how anyone could stand to be around me, because apparently I did NOT know how to wash. It doesn't matter how old you are, where you come from, or the color of your skin. This routine is life changing. Life. Changing.

Who knew you were supposed to be washing twice (with two completely different types of body wash), using a dry brush before you even set foot in the shower, a body scrub twice a week, lotion and body oil before you dry off so that they can absorb into your skin properly (VERY important), witch hazel on all your "creases", and at least one, preferably a set of two, all over body sprays, after which time you get straight in to bed with your freshly laundered sheets so that all of these things can turn your skin as soft as a baby's behind while you're sleeping. I guess that's why they call it beauty sleep.

For some reason, I was just fascinated. Especially with the idea of washing my body TWICE with what is called an African Net Sponge (which you can get on the TikTok shop, btw, but make sure it's the real one). I decided I just had to try this out. These girls, of all different ages, had the most beautiful skin I've ever seen. So, after a lengthy and somewhat expensive trip to CVS, I had everything I needed.

Now, if you've read my previous blogs, I have talked frequently and openly about my struggles with depression and anxiety. If you deal with this as well, you will understand completely when I tell you that the decision to take a shower, particularly a shower this involved, is an absolutely overwhelming and anxiety provoking process. It's not even the shower itself, because I always feel better once I'm done, but the decision making process that takes place before I ever grab a towel is more than I can even describe. Is it too early to take a shower? Is it too late to take a shower? What do I need to put away so that the dog can't get to it and chew it up while I am in said shower? No lie - I have actually asked my daughter, who lives in the next building thank goodness, to come over and sit with the dog while I take a shower so that he doesn't tear something up or sit outside the tub staring at me in judgment. For years, I have had to force myself to shower, and that shower only involved getting in, doing what needs to be done as quickly as possible, and getting out. Ask anyone you know with depression, and they will know exactly what I mean.

But I was determined, and let me tell you, that first shower was the most relaxing yet invigorating shower I have ever experienced. My body had never felt cleaner, my skin had never felt softer, and I literally was walking up to people the next day at work forcing them to feel how soft my skin was and to check out how good I smelled. It was really rather ridiculous.

But here's the thing. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Suddenly I'm seeing ads for e.l.f. skin care products (yes, SERUMS!), PHLUR body sprays, Native body wash and shampoo. I had to try every one of them, was not disappointed, and if you haven't figured it out by now, I have become just like G-dubs. I am that woman who looks forward to taking that long, multi-step shower and then coating myself in creams, oils, body sprays, and serums, then climbing into lavender sprayed sheets feeling like a queen.

Silly? Over the top? Maybe. But here's the thing. I realized it isn't about the products at all. It's psychological. It's self-care, something so many women AND men neglect while tackling life and all that comes with it. Whether you are a teenager dealing with constant judgment about appearance, a young woman just starting her career and learning how to manage her time and still take care of herself, an exhausted mom who just wants to feel human for more than five minutes, or an empty nester pushing sixty with sometimes overwhelming depression, weight issues, changing skin, changing hormones, feeling unattractive and undesirable to the opposite sex, working full time and getting through life independently, it is all about self care and knowing your worth. The world is just a giant mess right now, but that extra time we take for ourselves helps us all to motivate ourselves to get through each day and then helps us wind down and pamper ourselves so that we can tackle tomorrow. Now don't get me wrong, I do love a good filter. They're harmless fun. But if you really want to feel good, it starts in the shower.

So now, with my tail between my legs, I say to all those women, I'm sorry. I'm late to the party, but I get it now. I see you, I hear you, and I'm with you.